 | STAND ON THE LEFT | | | | | To conform or not to conform ... | Posted by Emma Oliver on 21/02/2012 @ 07:00 |
For the last week or so I've had to spend a lot of time in London, mostly around Kings Cross. The thought of this for a country girl such as myself was a little scary if I'm being honest. Couldn't it have been Hyde park, Notting Hill or Wimbledon instead ...
 glad i'm no longer claustrophobic or the underground would have been a nightmare
I have to say though that actually I've loved it - not particularly the circumstances of my visit - but I pride myself on my positive thinking so I made the most of it. The second week I'd booked into a B&B around the corner of where I needed to be for the week. I joked about the fact that I'd be okay as long as they didn't charge by the hour, however I was quite worried because of the seedy reputation of the area.
You see, I've always lived in the countryside. I walk to the shops and people nod and say hello to me. If you do that in London people think you're weird. One day I squeezed into a packed tube train. I was cool about that as it was only for one stop. As I looked around I saw a man sitting down smiling and laughing and waving his arms around - he had 3 seats to himself! People shifted nervously around him trying desperately not to catch his eye. Personally I wanted to sit next to him and join in his fun. Unfortunately - or fortunately depending on your viewpoint - I had to get off.
So these tubes ... not only did I have the task of figuring out where the hell I was going but I had to get used to sheer volume of people. My technique is to create a bubble around me - great for someone who used to be claustrophobic - and from my happy safe place I can observe the world. Goodness! So many blogs buzzing through this little head after that trip! But this one is about conformity - good or bad?
I've never really been very good at conforming. Not a complete "mis-matcher" but conformity isn't really my bag even to the point that when my youngest son has to line up before going into school and all the children jostle for position at the front of the queue - some of them even get upset with their parents if they don't get there early enough - I take a different parenting role. Not to say the others are wrong, just that I want to install a different belief system into my children - to really observe everything. You can see the world and its workings if you just step back for a while and the best place for this is always at the end of the queue!
However - and this is a HUGE however as far as relationships are concerned - compromise is one of the keys to making it work. My man loves parsnips and I hate them. If he wanted some I'd make them for him, after all it's not like he's wanting me to eat them, just chuck them into a roasting pan in the oven for a bit. I see so many arguments happen simply because one of the people in the relationship is not willing to compromise. "It's my way or the highway" they say, then the shock sets in when the highway option is taken up by their partner.
If you feel your values are being compromised ask yourself this:
If I compromise, will it make us grow together or fall apart? What if I do? What if I don't? Is this a belief or a value?
Beliefs can be changed, values are quite another matter ...
Think of it this way - a belief is written in pencil and it can be rubbed out or adjusted. A value is carved in stone. I believe that if you get on a tube train first you get the seat, so my values tell me to give that seat up for a disabled or elderly person.
And I also believe in standing to the right; I'm not suggesting giving up on your values and beliefs but don't be surprised if - when you're standing on the left on an escalator - you get tutted at.
Be Brilliant ... 
EMMA OLIVER
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 | Emma Oliver is a specialist relationship coach working with individuals, couples, relationships and teams. Her sense of humour, energy and boldness create a safe environment to fully explore relationships, with your self, between you and someone else - from your partner, your children to your work colleagues or managers and of course the most important relationship there is with ourselves.
Emma lives with her partner Dave and 2 youngest children in Buckinghamshire.
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Please note that Orbis Coaching does not offer legal advice. Our therapy and coaching services are tailored to your specific requirements and will allow you take a step forward and help you to be brilliant again. If you would like to find out more, please call Emma Oliver on +44 (0) 7899 817700 or click here to send an email enquiry.
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